Most people have goals in their lives that seek to improve their daily condition.
These goals usually include making more money, improving one’s looks, having more free time, participating in adventure and travel, finding love and succeeding in love and romance, and to be valued by others.
In other words, most people have goals that are astonishingly similar.
If we look more closely across all the activities of people throughout the world, despite differences in culture, geography, religion, and ancestry, we find that, in fact, all human essential motivations are in fact identical.
The number one factor in all human motivation, as well as in determining how people feel about themselves, others, and life in general, is what we have come to call the mechanism of Esteem Dynamics.
“Esteem” means “to value”. And Esteem Dynamics is a new methodology that is based upon a revolutionary understanding of psychology and motivation focused upon how people value themselves and others.
There is a central tension in this process. “To value” means there is a process of evaluation. And “evaluation” means there are comparisons and judgments made. When you “evaluate” the taste of a meal, you judge it relative to other meals. When others evaluate us, it is in relation to others they are evaluating.
We have to compete with many other people in order to receive positive (esteem) signals from others. As examples – why do we care about how we look? It is because others in our lives are comparing us to still other people in our world, and signaling their value-estimates. Why do we care about what we drive? Because others are observing our vehicles and making value judgments about us based upon what the car we are driving represents – relative to what others are driving. And people will then signal these judgments back to us in a myriad of ways.
Why do we care about where we live? There may be a number of reasons – but a major reason is what others will think about where we live – and the signals that they will send us about this analysis. Why do we care how our child behaves in social situations? Because it “reflects on the parent” – that is, others judge us as parents and signal that judgment. And that signal causes feelings inside us.
Esteem Dynamics essentially means the process between people that takes place when they signal to each other how much they value each other.
When someone shakes his fist at you on the freeway, this is an esteem dynamic – a very unpleasant one. When your colleague suggests that you should try for a promotion, this is another esteem dynamic – and a very positive one. When an attractive person that you find very attractive signals that they find you very attractive, this is the most exciting esteem dynamic of all. The core feelings that are generated inside people – good and bad – are dominated by this fairly simple process. Most of your feelings that you have every moment have to do with signals that you receive from others about their evaluation of you.
Once seen from this perspective, our wants, needs, desires, and plans all start to make a coherent sense that can be liberating. And very importantly, this new vision can help you to understand more clearly what other people are up to, what they are actually thinking, and how to interact with them more effectively.
Esteem Dynamics reveals head-on what is actually happening in human life, in a way that has been almost completely ignored by traditional psychology. The concept of competition and its critical role within cognitive therapy, social-learning theory, or psychodynamic models of psychotherapy is simply not there.
The fact that we are naturally and constantly competing for esteem is simply not part of traditional academic psychological discussion and yet every 2nd grader intuitively knows this is the key to life itself. By the time we formed our earliest memories and experiences, we all knew we were thrust into a competition for grades, for friends, for mating partners, and so forth. The game was on, and we were inextricably in it…whether we liked it or not.
Feeling good is something what we all want more of. Some might call it “happiness” but that is actually too abstract.
Feeling good is the clearer description of want we want, and also helps brings the focus of our attention into more enjoyment of the here and now, instead of plotting for a distant place we might call “happiness.”
Esteem Dynamics facilitates the pursuit of feeling good. And our goal is to help you learn new ideas that can help you to be feeling good more often – to be happier – right away.
Esteem Dynamics reveals the heart and soul of the human life process, broken down into practical problems and their solutions so that you can adopt more effective ways of living. That includes more effective ways of competing for the legitimate esteem of others, and points the way to a rather obvious and powerful truth: the more effective you become, the more feeling good you will enjoy.